In Loving Memory of Robbie

To Robbie,

I will love you forever.

We met on February 4th, 2019, and were married on July 7th, 2020. I’m so sorry you carried such incredible pain for so long. I want you to know that I truly tried my very best for you, all the way to the end.

Anastoja and I miss you deeply. You loved spending every moment you could with us. You called all the cats “babyish and sweet” and that you wanted to meet all of them. You loved our “family time”. I’ll take good care of Stoj, and all cats I come across, just like you would have wanted.

I was your closest confidant. I'm honored to have been the only person you ever kissed. You waited for me at the finish lines of both my 5k and 10k races (patiently because let's face it I'm slow), always cheering. You supported me when I earned my bachelor’s degree and believed in me as I work toward my Ph.D. You were so proud of me.

I’ll miss you calling me “Honey Stoj,” “Honey Baby,” “Adarable,” and "Baby chicks" (yes, plural, because he thought I was multiple baby chicks in a trench coat). We were each other’s Valentines so many times. I know we made countless memories—but it isn't enough, especially because you are gone so young.

We were the best adventure partners. We hiked, climbed, camped, and backpacked all over together. You hiked to the top of King’s Peak with me. We ziplined in Costa Rica and snorkeled the coral reefs of Puerto Rico. We skied in Colorado and Nordic Valley after I taught you how.

You even sat with me for 8 hours straight once, helping with my Python class homework, which I know you consider quite the adventure.

“More love=more good”

You loved the outdoors, and yet somehow had never visited Utah’s national parks until we met—even though you were born and raised here! Together, we explored Zion (twice), Bryce Canyon, and Arches. You especially loved the central desert for climbing. I’ll try to go there like we planned, even though now I’ll be going without you.

You grew up surrounded by love. You and your dad John loved going to BYU football games and you even broke your arm riding the mechanical bull at one. Even if you didn't like football, I know you loved spending time with your family. Whether it was the football games, visiting your grandparents, or being a responsible eldest sibling, you gave your family everything you could. I'll always appreciate everything you and your family have done for me.

You were passionate and brilliant. The best computer scientist, mathematician, and explainer of complicated board game rules. You loved D&D with your friends—maybe a little too much. And, to my dismay, you were obsessed with Europa Universalis.

You also loved the simple things: eating out at IHOP or Denny’s, ordering omelets specifically, and saying “foods” instead of “food.” You hated cooking, but always enjoyed sharing a meal, especially ordering in pizza.

Your work history included working at Amazon warehouse (which I convinced you to quit since it was destroying your body), call center for UPS, kids’ coding tutor at Code Ninjas, and most recently CenturyLink for the past few years (which I know you hated badly, I tried to convince you to quit but oh well).

The last show we watched together was The Queen’s Gambit. We also shared Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, and El Camino. Thank you for pulling me into stories you loved.

We bought a home together, our cars, and experienced scary things like that crazy incident with someone trying to make us rear-end them on the freeway. Also, thank you again for all the rides before I had a car. I know you were sad once I bought my first car since it is "less time with Adarables".

Alhamdulillah, you passed away a believer in Islam. I will continue to read Quran for you, make dua for you, and honor your memory the best way I can.

I promise to keep our phrase “more love = more good” alive in your honor.

Your battle with clinical depression became too much. I know that nothing one person did or didn’t do could have stopped what was written. I believe Allah’s will was at work, and nothing can change what was destined from before time began.

When I look back at our photos, I’m comforted to see that your smiles were always real. But I also know the weight you carried inside. I’m sorry you reached such a dark place that you believed there was no hope left.

I know you loved me deeply, but I also wish I hadn’t been your everything. No one else will truly understand what it was like—what we shared, and what I’ve lost.

I was asked not to attend your funeral (don't worry I will, anyone who doesn't want me there can pound sand). I wasn’t included in your original obituary. I did my best to give you what you asked for, but you didn’t get the Islamic funeral you told me you wanted. I told you to write and notarize a will dude. I know you’re watching all of this now and seeing how the person you felt closest to you for years is being treated and blamed, punching the air in frustration. But don’t worry—I’m strong.

And yes, I found out you never changed the car title like you said you did—but it’s all good.

Robert is survived by Adara DeNiro, his beloved cat Anastoja, dear friends Joshua Weeks, Emmanuella Pietri, Andrew Brown, Syn DeWall, Jorge Luna, Lathan Weeks, and his family.

He joins his late grandparents and the beloved baby Evalyn whom he loved.

To everyone reading this:

If you struggle with your mental health, please seek the support of trained professionals. Depression is an illness that can manifest in ways many of us still don’t fully understand. Robbie did not choose this path out of spite, weakness, or to cause pain—he was consumed by something far deeper that began long before I met him, even as a faithful Muslim.